Somatic Sex Education 101 Waking Up The Hands: What Happens In a First Session?

Some Somatic Sex Education (SSE) exercises may seem deceptively simple for how impactful they can be. There is a difference between knowing something in our mind versus learning something in our body.

Many of us get a lot of practice enduring unpleasant sensations and turning our inner voices down. The world often does not have space for our bodies, or requires us to override our body’s truth in order to meet our basic needs under systems of oppression. Over time we are essentially practicing tuning out of our body in order to endure unpleasant/uncomfortable/unwanted experiences. Sometimes this is a brilliant and valuable coping strategy, and sometimes another choice is wanted. SSE offers the tools to develop our body’s voice.

Sessions are tailored to the individual, one exercise I often include is called Waking Up the Hands (developed by Dr Betty Martin).

With your eyes closed, you are asked to describe an object placed in your hands. For the purpose of this exercise we focus on describing sensations and what we notice. Your brain, ever eager to categorize may say “This is a spoon!”. With some practice and practitioner guidance, the hands start to tune into temperature, shape, texture, feeling – it is cold, it has a thin part, one side is rounded, it is heavy, smooth, etc. This builds a body focused vocabulary and starts to engage the sensory-verbal pathway.

Again this might seem simple and it is. The ability to notice a sensation and describe it is key to being able to work further with preference, touch, and desire. Clients often struggle to feel present in their bodies or present in the moment – bringing awareness to sensation (sensate focus) is one of the fastest ways to tune into the present moment.

Slowing down and starting with simple exercises is one of the ways that I build trust and communication with a client while also ensuring that they have the tools to be in their embodied choice in everything we do together.